I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
