dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
