i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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