I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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