"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
