Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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