Pants 0. Shit 1.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
