So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize