woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
