You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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