Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
