Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
