how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I supernannyed him into submission
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
