wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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