YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
