What a fucking waste of an outfit
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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