I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
