I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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