went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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