But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
