Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
