I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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