OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
