guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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