Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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