His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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