She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
