Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
