There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
