someone get that fucking seahorse.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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