I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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