i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
