The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
