it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
