I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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