were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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