my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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