I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
