we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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