If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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