I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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