i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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