he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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