thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
