i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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