I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
