So drunk its hurt
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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