Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
