connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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