there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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