i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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