i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
