He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
