New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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