A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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