Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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