someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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