Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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