she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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