They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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