I'm really into asian looking animals
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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