I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
