You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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