Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize