Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
