shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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